Embracing Suffering

If we let the suffering come up and just take over our mind, we can
be quickly overwhelmed by it. So we have to invite another energy to
come up at the same time, the energy of mindfulness. The function of
mindfulness is, first, to recognize the suffering and then to take care
of the suffering. The work of mindfulness is first to recognize the suffering
and second to embrace it. A mother taking care of a crying baby naturally will take the child into her arms without suppressing, judging
it, or ignoring the crying. Mindfulness is like that mother, recognizing
and embracing suffering without judgment.
So the practice is not to fight or suppress the feeling, but rather
to cradle it with a lot of tenderness. When a mother embraces her
child, that energy of tenderness begins to penetrate into the body of
the child. Even if the mother doesn’t understand at first why the child
is suffering and she needs some time to find out what the difficulty
is, just her act of taking the child into her arms with tenderness can
already bring relief. If we can recognize and cradle the suffering while
we breathe mindfully, there is relief already.
Embracing our suffering may seem to be the opposite of what we
want to do, especially if our suffering is very large, as with depression.
Depression is one of the most widespread forms of suffering in our
time. It can take away our peace, our joy, our stability, and even our
ability to eat, move about, or do simple tasks. It can seem insurmountable
and we may think that the only thing we can do is either to run
away from it or give in to it.
But nonjudgmentally recognizing and embracing this great suffering
is not at all the same thing as giving in to it. Once you have
offered your acknowledgment and care to this suffering, it naturally
will become less impenetrable and more workable; and then you have
the chance to look into it deeply, with kindness (but still always with
a solid ground of mindful breathing to support you), and find out why
it has come to you. It is trying to get your attention, to tell you something,
and now you can take the opportunity to listen. You can ask
someone to look with you—a teacher, a friend, a psychotherapist.
Whether alone or together with your friends, you can explore what
kind of roots it has, and what nutriments and habits of consumption have been feeding your sorrow. You can discover how, through looking
deeply, you can transform this organic “garbage” into compost, which
in turn may become many beautiful flowers of understanding, compassion,
and joy.

Stopping And Acknowledging Suffering

When suffering arises, the first thing to do is to stop, follow our breathing,
and acknowledge it. Don’t try to deny uncomfortable emotions or
push them down.
Breathing in, I know suffering is there.
Breathing out, I say hello to my suffering.
To take one mindful breath requires the presence of our mind, our
body, and our intention. With our conscious breath, we reunite
our body and mind and arrive in the present moment. Just breathing
in mindfully already brings us a surprising amount of freedom. With
each breath, we generate mindful energy, bringing mind and body
together in the present moment to receive this caring acknowledgment
of our suffering. In just two or three breaths taken with your full
attention, you may notice that regret and sorrow about the past have
paused, as well as uncertainty, fear, and worries about the future.

What Suffering is Made Of

There is the suffering of the body, including the sensations of pain,
illness, hunger, and physical injury. Some of this suffering is simply
unavoidable. Then there is the suffering of the mind, including anxiety,
jealousy, despair, fear, and anger. We have the seeds, the potential
in us for understanding, love, compassion, and insight, as well as the
seeds of anger, hate, and greed. While we can’t avoid all the suffering
in life, we can suffer much less by not watering the seeds of suffering
inside us.
Are you at war with your body? Do you neglect or punish your
body? Have you truly gotten to know your body? Can you feel at home
with your body? Suffering can be either physical or mental or both,
but every kind of suffering manifests somewhere in the body and
creates tension and stress. We are told that we should release the
tension in our body. Many of us have tried very hard! We want to
release the tension in our body, but we can’t release it. Our attempts at
reducing tension in us won’t work unless we first acknowledge that
it’s there. When you cut your finger, you just wash it and your body knows
how to heal. When a nonhuman animal living in the forest is injured,
she knows what to do. She stops searching for something to eat or looking
for a mate. She knows, through generations of ancestral knowledge,
that it’s not good for her to do so. She finds a quiet place and just
lies down, doing nothing. Nonhuman animals instinctively know that
stopping is the best way to get healed. They don’t need a doctor, a drugstore,
or a pharmacist.
We human beings used to have this kind of wisdom. But we have
lost touch with it. We don’t know how to rest anymore. We don’t allow
the body to rest, to release the tension, and heal. We rely almost
entirely on medication to deal with sickness and pain. Yet the most
effective ways to ease and transform our suffering are already available
to us without any prescription and at no financial cost. I’m not suggesting
that you should throw away all your medications. Some of us
do need to use certain medicines. But we can sometimes use them in
smaller quantities and to much greater effect when we know how to let
our body and mind truly rest.