Suffering and happiness are not separate

When we suffer, we tend to think that suffering is all there is at that
moment, and happiness belongs to some other time or place. People
often ask, “Why do I have to suffer?” Thinking we should be able to
have a life without any suffering is as deluded as thinking we should be
able to have a left side without a right side. The same is true of thinking
we have a life in which no happiness whatsoever is to be found. If
the left says, “Right, you have to go away. I don’t want you. I only want
the left”—that’s nonsense, because then the left would have to stop
existing as well. If there’s no right, then there’s no left. Where there is
no suffering, there can be no happiness either, and vice versa.
If we can learn to see and skillfully engage with both the presence
of happiness and the presence of suffering, we will go in the
direction of enjoying life more. Every day we go a little farther in
that direction, and eventually we realize that suffering and happiness
are not two separate things.
Cold air can be painful if you aren’t wearing enough warm clothes.
But when you’re feeling overheated or you’re walking outside with
proper clothing, the bracing sensation of cold air can be a source of
feeling joy and aliveness. Suffering isn’t some kind of external, objective
source of oppression and pain. There might be things that cause
you to suffer, such as loud music or bright lights, which may bring
other people joy. There are things that bring you joy that annoy other
people. The rainy day that ruins your plans for a picnic is a boon for
the farmer whose field is parched.
Happiness is possible right now, today—but happiness cannot be
without suffering. Some people think that in order to be happy they must avoid all suffering, and so they are constantly vigilant, constantly
worrying. They end up sacrificing all their spontaneity, freedom, and
joy. This isn’t correct. If you can recognize and accept your pain without
running away from it, you will discover that although pain is there,
joy can also be there at the same time.
Some say that suffering is only an illusion or that to live wisely
we have to “transcend” both suffering and joy. I say the opposite. The
way to suffer well and be happy is to stay in touch with what is actually
going on; in doing so, you will gain liberating insights into the true
nature of suffering and of joy.